Discontented

 For a while now ~ years, probably ~ I’ve had a dislike of “religion”, even though I’ve called myself a “Christian” for most of my life, and I was brought up going to church every Sunday.

But, I really have never liked going to church. And, in all honesty, I don’t like hanging around with other Christians.* Too often they are too preachy, or too judgemental, or too “holier-than-thou”. And I just can’t stand it!

For example, I recently posted to my Facebook wall that I was reading L. J. Smith’s series, “The Vampire Diaries“. And a good –Christian– friend of mine left a comment asking why I’d read “such trash”. I laughed it off and said, “Because I like reading vampire books!” Then, a few days later, I went to Bible study, and another (Christian) friend says, “I’ve been seeing your Facebook posts, lately, about the books you’re reading, and the Christina Aguilera music videos ~ why do you choose to fill your head with such garbage? I just don’t get it.” This woman said all of this with such a disgusted tone of voice, too. 😕

Well, I have a question of my own: Who gave ya’ll the right to approve/disapprove of the media I consume? I mean, if you want to confront a Christian sister in love, and remind her that maybe her choices aren’t the most edifying, there are better ways to go about it. But, manipulation and shame aren’t it.

I’m tired of Christianity’s legalism and falseness. I love my LORD, and feel that He and I have a decent relationship. It’s not what I’d like it to be, certainly, but it’s at least a relationship that’s in process.

I want a strong, visible faith. But, I don’t want to be the type of Christian I’ve seen all of my life. I don’t want to be pious. I don’t want to follow a set of rules, or have a mental checklist that tells me whether/not I’m being a “good Christian” and walking closely with God (because I’m reading my Bible, going to church, and praying regularly, etc). I don’t want people to run for the hills when they see me coming — or, at the very least, roll their eyes — for fear that I’m goign to give them an earful about my faith.

I guess I kind of just like the faith that I already have. It’s a quiet faith, where I will share with others if God prompts me to, or if I feel the circumstances call for it; where I don’t go to church on Sundays, but have made attendance at my weekly Bible study a priority (it’s my “church”); where –every now & then– people will hear me talk about my faith and realize that maybe I have a closer relationship with God than they thought (because they were too busy assuming –based on my media choices, and my lack of church attendance– that I have a “weak” faith).

I want to live The Way of Jesus (as seen in the New Testament). I want to have a deep, abiding love relationship with my LORD that isn’t overbearing, but that definitely teases others into wanting the same for themselves. I want people to say, “There’s something different about her,” and then seek to find out what that is. But, the “difference” I want them to discover is an authentic, living, breathing faith in a loving heavenly Father who calls them (and me) to Himself.

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* Note: This does not include my blogging friends. I love reading Christian blogs, but that’s probably because I can choose the ones whose “tone” I like. 😉

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5 thoughts on “Discontented

  1. I so agree with you 🙂

    The reason i stopped attending church wasn’t to do with my non-Christian husband – he has no problem with me attending church. it was the constant critism by some of the church ladies that was not done in love but out loud in public and without taking the planks in their own eyes first!!!

    Like you I have wonderful Christian blogging friends – and the internet is where I get most of my fellowship nowadays.

    Anyhow – just wanted to say you are not alone – I’l get back into my box now 🙂

  2. Nah, don’t go off to your “box”, Sally! I appreciate your input!

    And, isn’t it funny — our non-Christian husbands don’t keep us from church, but our Christian friends DO! LOL. ((my husband isn’t a believer, either)).

    Interesting.

  3. Many years ago I went to a women’s prayer group and announced it would be my last time attending as i was returning to work after 3 years maternity leave. Five of the seven women loudly prayed that God forgive my greed and lack of faith in believing he would provide for me if I didn’t work. I was mortified and cried all the way home. These same women constantly advised I should leave my husband because he was not a believer – they didn’t get that it is my little light shining that puts God in front of my husband daily – and their attitude and the way they upset me only convinced him deeper that Christians are not nice people. I tell him constantly that I believe and love God – its the Christians I’m not fond of 🙂

    I do like your blog BTW 🙂

  4. Wow. That’s really sad. 😦

    But, you’re right about your husband… there’s even a verse somewhere in the New Testament that says that women can win their husbands over to the Lord BY THEIR ACTIONS. So your comment to those women about the “little light shining” daily was spot on! 🙂

    My husband has seen a lot of the “yuck” from Christians, too, and is –like your’s– even more convinced that he wants no part of it all. And, that’s such a shame! I wish he could see what it’s REALLY supposed to be!

    But, I believe God can make that so… in His time. 😉

    ~MizB

  5. “I don’t want people to run for the hills when they see me coming”

    That is an awesome line. When Jesus said that people aren’t going to like us because of Him, I don’t think this was what He meant, although many Christians seem to be content with blaming this reaction on Him, instead of them.

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